Let me first start off by saying that if I could make citizen's arrests, I would. I took a personality test once that said I am most suited to be a police officer, and I must admit that I at least enjoy enforcing the law in my head when I see people who are out of line. I think this is why people who seem completely oblivious to common courtesy, even if they aren't breaking the law, make me mad. And since I can't actually give them a ticket, I will publish a post about it.I made the diagram above to help people understand what a scootchy-scootcher is, and why they are so annoying. Unfortunately, I made this diagram in MS Paint, so it's extremely low-tech. I think you can get the idea anyway. You probably have seen scootchy-scootchers yourselves, and know what they are. Hopefully, however, you have never been one, because scootchy-scootchers are rude, thoughtless people.
Every morning, I pass through a heavy construction area on my way to work. Cars are backed up through intersections, people sit at red lights through three turns, and tensions run a little high, because it's really the only way all of us can get from Point A to Point B without adding another five miles to our commutes. It's the same way on my drive home, if not a little worse. My six-minute commute has turned into a 15 minute one.
People who are considerate drivers will wait at the Stop Line, even if their light is green, to let the intersection clear before they cross to the other side. This prevents the intersection from being jumbled with cars if the light suddenly turns red and the cross traffic has its turn. If everyone waits for their light to turn green in backed up traffic situations, instead of trying to sneak into bottlenecked traffic, things go much more smoothly. I have seen it happen.
Instead, scootchy-scootchers see the empty intersection as an opportunity to get their car noses out there and merge in on red, even if they have only been waiting at the light for five seconds. I have even seen scootchy-scootchers who do the lovely double-up move -- two cars side-by-side, both turning right -- to squeeze into the intersection. When the cars who are waiting at the Stop Line on their green light see this going on, they immediately pull forward, trying to cut off the scootchy-scootchers, or at least tailgate them angrily. This then blocks up the intersection so that when the scootchy-scootchers' light does turn green, the cars behind them have no space to move forward. Yep, it's really great for everyone!
Then there are the weird "Secret Scootchy-Scootchers" who actually let the scootchy-scootchers in in front of them, even though this then strands them in the middle of the intersection! Sacrificing themselves to forward the Scootchy-Scootcher chaotic cause . . . Trust me, people, there's no reward in that. Scootchy-scootchers won't even give you a courtesy "thank you" wave!
Maybe I should make a sign for the intersections on my way to work: "No Scootchy-Scootchin!" Or I could stand there protesting, throwing my body in the path of cars who are trying to scootchy-scootch. Or I could just take down license plate numbers and call them into the police: "Officer, I caught the following cars scootchy-scootchin' on my way to work today. Can you please give them a ticket?"
Obviously, these scootchy-scootchers have driven me to madness. Or maybe I'm just jealous.
3 comments:
My friend Douglas and I once devised a system of high powered guns that fire red suction cup darts. We could never settle fully on whether they’d be mounted to your vehicle in some sort of James Bond fashion (shooting form the headlights would be cool!) or if they’d simply be modified handguns we’d fire from our open drivers window like some primetime crime drama on TV. The idea is if you see a driver being an inexcusable idiot you fire a dart at his/her car. Once a car has three or more red darts on it, cops are obliged to pull the offending idiot over for a chat. We could see that there are flaws in the system…people might shoot darts just to be mean…people could stop and remove darts…etc. But it might have worked. You could install a surface-to-surface dart gun at the intersections that would tag your Scootchy-Scootchers…or for fun you could sit there yourself with a shot gun.
I love the post on Scootchy-Scootchers...I swear, they drive me nuts as well...in downtown at a certain intersection that I pass through daily as i head to the Y to relieve my stress from working all day, this same thing happens. I think some days I tempt fate by feeling too good and then...ha, ha! Silly man...you must now have more stress to wrok out so we'll drive like ignoramuses! Ha, ha..
I'm sorry..what was I saying?
I don't have a cute picture but just imagine a 4 lane road with a center turn lane. There is a car in the center turn lane going southbound that wants to make a left and the traffic is really heavy. An SUV going northbound in the left lane thinks they are doing them a favor by giving them space to pass through and complete their turn. However the cars in the right lane have no idea what is going on and t-bones the car as they are making their turn.
What's a cute name for those guys that think they are doing you a favor but are really contributing to your death?
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